Showing Up
Recently our family suffered the sudden and tragic loss of a loved one. One call waking me up on a Tuesday morning had me asking a family member (and myself,) “How can I help?” While that may sound a little reminiscent of New Amsterdam (google it…) it’s the quintessential question that leads to action for any significant, most times tragic, event that occurs without warning. Knowing how to help can be difficult but in the South we rely on the tried and true recipe of prayer, comfort food, acts of love, and service to others. We call it ‘Showing Up’ and that’s exactly what I planned to do.
Between getting ready to leave the house, processing the news, and praying for my family, I coordinated with others and planned my next few steps for the emotional day ahead. After securing the position of midday / late afternoon meal train and hang sesh, I headed to the grocery store. A stop by the Publix deli had me squared away for a nice late-afternoon sandwich spread along with other snacks, drinks, and desserts. Food is key for any gathering, eventually needing to be stored, so I like to add food storage bags to any care package that I am making. This time I wanted to go a little further and prepare for the week of company in and out of my family member’s home. I found a storage bin in the Kitchen Goods aisle that was big enough to hold quart & gallon food storage bags, disposable plates (two sizes!) cups, napkins, cutlery, and disinfecting wipes. I gathered the goods, checked out, and loaded up for delivery. (I also included a four pack of paper towels but they wouldn’t fit in the bin.) After arriving and unpacking all the goods, I placed the storage bin full of the curated items on the kitchen table, easily visible, and accessible to anyone helping.
A southern kitchen for a family in crisis is a revolving door of those wishing to pay respects, give condolences, pitch in, and show up. A southern kitchen feeds anyone that visits. Some come hungry, some stay long enough to eat again, and some know it’s impolite to turn down a fixed plate, but all will abide the rules that southern etiquette demands.
Not to be overlooked and equally as important as politely stuffing your face, is offering to help clean up, or just going ahead and doing it without disturbing the family. Sometimes it seems a bit awkward going through people’s cabinets and drawers, looking for the right tool. If something consistently comes up as needed, add it to the basket! Throughout the week many meals were made, brought, ate, packed up, pulled out again, and packed to go. For every glass of tea came a new plastic cup as we couldn’t determine which one was which when they’re all on a table… this led to a Sharpie being added to the basket to label cups as company is in and out. Any kitchen restocks included replacements for the basket, and new things were added such as foil and plastic wrap. By the end of the week, everyone knew to check “the basket” when navigating the dance of feeding folks, and cleaning up. How nice it was to have the necessary supplies easily accessible, for all that pitched in, without having to stop and ask the grieving family.
So, to recap —> we all know a meal, or treat is perfect for any care package, but consider adding the supply bin (AKA: “The Basket”) to your arsenal of thoughtful acts. The next time you whip up your favorite, crowd-pleasing casserole, plan to deliver along with a collection of necessary supplies for the occasion at hand. If that seems a bit much for your budget, try adding something to the mix like a box of food storage bags or a pack of napkins. At the end of the day it’s important to remember that anything given is a thoughtful gesture, regardless of cost. Don’t be discouraged for offering something simple, such as cut flowers from your yard to brighten a table, your favorite comfort food, a cozy pair of socks, or even something silly to share a laugh over. It’s the act of showing up that matters to those we love. When life is busy, and overwhelming, I remind myself that doing what I can, when I can (even if it’s a check-in call or text) matters. Showing up may look different depending on the person, occasion, or season of life, but the intention remains the same, to help one another. Whether or not you buy name brand food storage bags is between you and God.
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I'm Andrea. I opened PLANT in 2020. Sometimes I'm Funny.